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It's all true, folks. Texas is going to secede from the U.S. and then we're going to have to answer to The Big Guy. I don't know about everyone else, but devising a "Break-In-Case-Of-Chuck" plan may be a bit harder to construct than our more common zombie and raptor survival kits.
THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!
Yes, it is true, sadly. Pirate numbers have increased significantly, and their terrorism tactics are threatening the security of the United States of America. What is the world coming to?
Honest to god, this has to be the most retarded shit I've ever seen. Satire at its best, eh?